Knowing one's parenting style can definitely help one to bond better with the children. Undoubtedly, parenting is a skill that all new parents need to acquire and continually learn as the child grows older. When all the ecstasy of a having a newborn in the house wears off, parents begin to subscribe to one of four styles of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. These four styles—which are also, unfortunately, labels—show what kind of upbringing kids are given.
But remember, no matter what parenting style you follow, there are always opportunities to enrich your relationship with your children.
You are an authoritarian parent if your favorite phrase is, “Because I said so.” You fire off household rules without consulting your children. And if they break these rules, you make sure that there will be hell to pay. It’s not that you’re evil; it’s just that you believe that enforcing your rules without exception and negotiation instills discipline in your kids. Your children know that you expect absolute obedience from them.
How you can bond with your child: Open some of your rules to a little bit of negotiation. It will make your children feel that their opinion matters.
Do it one rule at a time if rule-haggling seems too much for you at first. For example: your rule about curfews. On a Saturday night, let your 17-year-old negotiate the terms of his 9:30 PM curfew. Listen to him, he might actually be making sense. Trust that all those years of obedience have put a good head on his shoulders.
An authoritative or democratic parent, on the other hand, likes to talk issues over with the children before acting on them. You listen to them and answer their questions. Instead of making too many rules, you give clear standards of behaviour for your kids to strive to. And because your ultimate goal is to raise children who are independent thinkers, assertive, and socially responsible, your method of discipline is to support principles, not to punish bad behaviour.
Always bear in mind that an ideal parent-child relationship, as in any relationship, is one that has two-way communication lines. However, remember that no one takes things for granted. Set aside one-on-one time with each of your kids every day. More exclusive time with your kids means more opportunities to get to know them, and to let them get to know you.
For a permissive parent, the household rules usually come more as an afterthought. Instead of imposing your rules on your children, you allow them to regulate themselves. You don’t believe in by-the-book parenting, opting instead to go with the flow. Because of your relaxed style, your kids see you more as one of their friends than as a parent. Fun is the name of the game in your house. Forget the rules.
How you can bond with your child: It’s cool that you are your child’s best friend. You probably have no problems getting your kid to talk to you about anything.
To cement your bond, make sure that—just like a best friend—you don’t flake on your child when the going gets really rough. There’s a time to be the best friend; and there’s a time to be the best parent—one who will put your child’s needs before your own.
You are an uninvolved parent if communication with your children is made up of awkward small talk and nothing else. You pretty much let your children do their own thing, and you rarely step in. Your rule of thumb is: feed them and they will grow. Such parents merely appreciate the miracle of life in the home.
Strike up a conversation with the children from time to time. Take baby steps to know your children and open yourself up so that they can also get to know you. Simple activities like eating ice cream together or maybe doing a movie-night at home will definitely help.
Instead of telling your children who you are, show them by getting them involved in your favourite activities. Eventually, if you do it consistently and with love, your children will come around and show you who they are.
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